how can u be prego again
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
