My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize