hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
