At least make sure they are 18
Why
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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