didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
