I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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