Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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