So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
