I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
