he was CRYING into my vagina
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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