FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
