i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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