direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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