I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
