Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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