So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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