Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
