I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
