I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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