Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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