someone owes me an orgasm
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
