Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
