Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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