I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
