well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
