I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
