but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
