can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
another moral hangover. fuck.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
