Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
