Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
