I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Green mimosas i think yes
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
