Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
