sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
