After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
