I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize