Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
