I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
