Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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