is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
