if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
