About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
