we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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