Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
