Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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