Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
