She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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