just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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