I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize