she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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