i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
