We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
