i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize