i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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