i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
