I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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