Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
