walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
