p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
