I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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