I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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