So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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