If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I could fuck to npr.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
