whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
