You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
